Failing the Date

It was only a few hours ago that I ventured myself in the search of the interaction I wanted to describe. I only had one premise in mind: NOT BORING. The ride in the subway and the subsequent one in the bus didn't provide me with much, so... out of the lack of something interesting for me and out of a crave for a frapuccino I walked some good 45 minutes to the nearest Starbucks, which is the one in Pedro de Valdivia.

Once I had gotten my frapuccino dulce de leche, I just let time pass while I observed people. Soon, my eyes fell into what I deducted was a date. The man must have been around his early thirties while the girl seemed to be on her last twenties. Here are some of the notes I took during the first minutes of my observation (And I must say, that from where I was sitting I could see the man with a better perspective than the one I had of the girl).

- The man in casual clothes talk vehemently, with a rapid speech. He emphasizes some words with a stronger tone.

- The man accompanies his speech with multiple hand gestures.

- The man rolls up the sleeves of his shirt.

- From what I hear, the man is talking about politics. Distingushed the name of "Salvador Allende"

By the vehemency with which the man was speaking, I could say that he was really passionate about the topic of the conversation.

Up to now, the situation does not seem to be that interesting in order for me to disregards the ones that I could have found on the bus or on the subway. However, when I got to move from my seat and was able to see the girl, things got really interesting.

- The man keeps on talking. The girl assents and mumbles some feebles: "Hhm"

- The man tries to make eye contact.

- The girl keeps her head down.

- The man asks the girl a question, to which the girl answers with: "what?"

Of course, the man was trying to make eye contact since he seemed to be passionate about the topic and wanted to know the opinion of his companion on it. Nonetheless, the girl barely made eye contact. She raised her head once in a while, just to keep the rhythm of the conversation. At first, I thought that she just wasn't interested in the topic, so she didn't show enthusiasm. A couple of minutes later, I discovered that I hadn't noticed her hands (since her companion was all about gesturing when them when speaking). When I did, I discovered that the girl had her hands on her cellphone. Moreover, she made tiny movements with them. Finally, I saw that she was playing a game with her cellphone.

What I want to highlight how the use of the hands becomes an important part of communication when interacting with other people. The constant movements that the man made with his hands and also the visibility of them seemed to me as a demonstration of his presence in the conversation, the level of engament he had with transmitting his message to the girl. He was not using them just in order to emphasize some words or some passages, but as a means of reaching his companion. On the other hand, the initial inivisibility of the girl's hand seemed to be a clear demostration of how absent she was from the interaction. Also, none of her few interventions within the conversation made use of her hands.

Finally, and what is really interesting is how the man didn't notice how unengaging (if that word actually exists) his conversation was. How the girl din't respond with interest to any of his questions, and how her interventions were limited almost to mumbles.

Death and the Construction of Identity

The question of the identity has been one that has accompanied me since I started this English programme. With time, I have come to understand that it is not possible to have a linear approach towards this subject, and multiple factors must come into play. Therefore, the name of this blog: Negotiating Identity. Not that identity is the new object of capitalism (well, actually... yes, but that's way around the bushes for this post), but with the term negotiation I want to emphasize the multiplicity that characterizes the construction of identity and the somehow dialogic relation between all the factors that pertain to the subject.

And since everyone knows me as "the trauma kid", it seemed reasonable for me to start addressing a particular factor in the construction of identity related to this field of study (trying, then again, not to go around the bushes too much), and that is the subject of death in this ongoing negotiation of identity.

Enoch Hale, a puritan pater familias, writes to his son Nathan to provide an account of the state of the affairs of the everyday, but it seems impossible for him not to deviate and turn daily matters into a theological question, even when it comes to the death of one of his grandchildren. It is startling to notice the lack of words such as loss, grief, pain in Enoch Hale's response to such a loss. His main concern seems to be the obscurity of the subject on its treatment in the bible. It seems that a state of grief or mourning is hindered because of the lack of information on the subject present on the sacred document. Furthermore, at some point in the letter of Jan. 26, 1826, it seems that Hale glorifies the death of the child, resembling more the ancient ideal of sacrifices than how we understand such losses nowadays. On his approach to the death of his grandchild, Enoch Hale provides us with an essential light on the subject of his identity, and that is that this seems to be primarly constructed upon his relationship to God.

On the other hand, Nathan Hale does not seem to be that much different, as he also adresses the situation as the will of a merciful God. It is now when Durkheim's study comes into play and we see in Nathan a recieved manner of reaction. However, different from his father, Nathan does not seem to have a grasp of himself merely based on his relationship with God, but as a working man who produces a consumable good (maps), he seems to have a different sense of materiality, in the broadest sense of the word. With this, I point out to the moment of reflection he has about the death of her daughter, Susan. When accounting the event, Nathan introduces terms such as measuring, loss, gift, taken away. Nonetheless, his notion of a hereafter to which aspire is stronger and becomes the center of his reflection, understanding that stage which comes after life as a space of reunion, enhancing the formation which he received by his father, which conforms to his religion.

Nathan, as a child raised by a puritan family, seems to have no choice but that, to conform. I wonder what would have been the outcome of his relation to the community or his own family if he, instead of conforming, had blamed or questioned God for taken away four of his kids. It is also obscure for me if there exists a notion of mourning to grasp for them, that is to say, in Freud's words, a space for working through situations like the dead of the loved ones.

Nevertheless, it is known by now that religion, in Durkheim's terms, constitutes a social fact, so, this attitude towards death seems to be out of the question for puritans, but not for me. The fact that the next letter after the death of Nathan's daughter accounts for such a frivolous topic as the family vacations enhances this doubt about the space for mourning and meassuring loss, and moreover, poses the question if such an event is actually capable to destabilize such a fixed conception of identity.